Infertility Awareness Week
Why can’t I get pregnant?
Infertility sucks. Becoming a mom is such a deep, profound part of who we are as women. When I first decided to become a mom and start a family, I worried that it wouldn’t happen. From my work with clients, either those that have been trying for months to years, or those that are prepping for pregnancy but are dealing with feelings of fear that it won’t happen for them - the desire to conceive is strong and emotionally challenging. You see other women getting pregnant, hear stories of women sharing how careful they have to be not to get pregnant, and wonder why that seems elusive to you.
Once my husband and I decided to start trying it took 4 months to conceive. I am not saying that in a post about infertility to make you feel even worse, I share that because, despite how it turned out for us, it would turn out to be out one and only pregnancy.
If you’re struggling to get pregnant, my story is different than yours. In reality, all our stories are different. But we can connect to the parts that we share. Here is how I can connect - we had planned to have 3-4 kids. That dream was shut down. And it was painful.
When you get pregnant and see a Dr for the first time, they order TONS of blood labs. I didn’t know what they ordered, I just showed up to the lab, had my blood drawn, and carried on with my life. At my next appointment, our OB told us that I had tested positive as a carrier for Cystic Fibrosis. I knew a little about what that was, but not much. What I did know was that it was a debilitating illness and ended up being terminal for some children. My Dr assured us that BOTH of us had to be carriers in order for our child to be at risk, and that the odds were one in a million that my husband would be a carrier as well. We left that appointment a little shell-shocked and later that evening talked about what we had learned. We were scared and sad. We were worried for our precious little baby, but we also realized that if my husband was also a carrier that that would mean we were done having children. We couldn’t get past the idea of knowingly having more babies that could potentially have a life-altering diagnosis (our views on this have changed over the years, but this is the decision we made in the moment). It was easy at the time to say, “Ya, of course we won’t have more children”, with the “one in a million” still in our minds. We both longed for more children and felt that we still would be able to see that dream to fulfillment. A couple weeks later we got the news that my husband was also a carrier, and that we shared the gene for the same type, one with the most serious symptom presentations. We were devastated. Not only did this mean that our precious baby could have Cystic Fibrosis, but it meant that our dreams to have more children were over.
I KNOW this is different than struggling with infertility. But what I can tell you is I know the pain, the anger, the screaming and pleading for it not to be this way, and the secret hoping, for years, that an accident would happen, and we would be blessed with just one more baby. It didn’t happen. We spent years grieving this loss. It affected every aspect of my life; how I viewed myself as a woman, how I viewed myself as a wife, and it strained my marriage. My story is different, I was able to get pregnant and carry one baby; but my grief is shared. I know what it’s like to watch other women grow their family and feel the deep pain of longing, I know what it’s like to put on a happy face when another friend shared news of their pregnancy and to go home and scream into my pillow.
I know what it’s like to be desperate for God to face me so I could pound on his chest and tell him how unfair this was.
I have had friends struggle to get pregnant that I feel didn’t relate to me or my story, because “at least you had one.” I also know the pain as that same friend would get her blessing and go on to carry multiple children of her own.
Because of my experience, I am deeply passionate about helping women improve their chances of getting pregnant through nutrition and lifestyle changes. I think every woman that wants to be a mom should have the opportunity to become a mom. I want to help ease the pain and confusion and support her through this time. I also strongly believe in the power of nutrition and lifestyle, the right supplements, and the right support, rather than rushing into expensive (financially AND emotionally) IVF treatments.
For this blog, I wanted to share the most common reasons women struggle to get pregnant. I also want to give you hope that, by supporting your body in the right way, you can improve your chances of getting pregnant and by focusing on the right nutrition and lifestyle changes you can also decrease the likelihood that you will have pregnancy complications, increase the chances that you can see out your chosen birth plan with confidence, set yourself up for an easier postpartum, and set your little one up with better health all the way into adulthood. One of my favorite client stories is a sweet woman who struggled with infertility for four years and just had a healthy pregnancy and baby. No matter how long it has been, there is hope!
Finding answers takes time and some digging. There likely may be more than one thing contributing. We are all unique, but there are some big things to consider and address when you are starting out:
Here are some possible contributors:
Irregular menstrual cycle: If your menstrual cycle is irregular, it may be difficult to predict when you are ovulating, which is the time when you are most likely to conceive.
What to do: Consider keeping a journal to track your cycles and other health symptoms. Write down anything significant or write in it every day. Include anything out of the normal, including food, mood, drinks, energy, headaches, stomach upset, digestion issues, or other symptoms. Focus on eating lots of nourishing foods, checking how intense your workouts are, and really taking inventory of stress. Start with solid nutrition and lifestyle upgrades and see how your period responds. A “normal” cycle should be consistently around 21-35 days. If you fluctuate in length often, this can be a sign of imbalance. Consider a period tracking app or wearable to dial in those cycles.
Hormonal imbalances: Hormonal imbalances can cause problems with ovulation and make it difficult to get pregnant. Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is a common hormonal disorder that affects fertility.
What to do: Hormones can become imbalanced for lots of different reasons including diet, sleep, stress, illness, medical condition, age, and more. If you feel like you’ve made solid changes to improve your health and are still feeling imbalanced, it may be time for functional testing see exactly where things are imbalanced and how to get them back on track.
Age: As women age, their fertility declines. Women over the age of 35 may have a harder time getting pregnant.
What to do: Age can be a factor, and this goes for your partner as well. Studies show that age can also impact quality and quantity of sperm, so give yourself a break here. When it comes to age, there is no black and white set time when your eggs are no longer viable. It’s different for us all. We do have limitations that are part of the natural process of aging, but age is only one of the factors. Women can get pregnant in their early 40’s.
Medical conditions: Certain medical conditions, such as endometriosis, uterine fibroids, or pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), and PCOS can make it difficult to conceive.
What to do: It is important to work with your Dr to diagnose and manage any diagnosed medical conditions, but nutrition and lifestyle changes can go a long way in improving inflammation and your overall resiliency to certain medical conditions.
Lifestyle factors: Smoking, excessive alcohol consumption, drug use, and weight (over and underweight) can all affect fertility.
What to do: There are so many studies showing that exposure to tobacco, drugs, and alcohol can impact the quality of the egg and the sperm. It is so important that both partners agree to clean up these areas temporarily so that you can optimize the quality of egg and sperm and improve not only the chances of pregnancy, but also that your pregnancy and your baby are both healthy!
Male factor infertility: Infertility can also be due to male factors such as low sperm count, poor sperm motility, or abnormal sperm shape.
What to do: If you haven’t already, be sure that your partner has a sperm analysis with his Dr. We now know that sperm is at play with infertility in up to 50% of the cases. Sperm cannot repair themselves once there is damage, but the good news is that sperm is produced about 3 months prior to conception, so making changes NOW can improve the quality of sperm in 3 months time. It takes two to get pregnant, my friends! He needs to be on board with his part.
There are also structural issues that can be contributing, like fibroids, so be sure to talk to your Dr about ultrasounds or other testing to rule out any structural reasons why pregnancy isn’t happening.
If you have been trying to get pregnant without success, it's important to act now. If you’ve been told you need to wait until you’ve been trying for at least a year, you do not. There is so much that can be done to improve your overall health and increase your chances of success. There are root causes that can be determined and worked on, even if your Dr has said IVF is the only option.
Consider reaching out and working with me to improve your overall health with nutrition, lifestyle, and supplement upgrades. I can help identify any potential underlying causes and hold your hand through the whole process. This can take time to work through, but finding your root cause and supporting your body can give you that positive test you’ve been longing for.
